2011: The Phoenix
When people look at me… they may see a person in good health, great family and friends, always a smile for everyone who passed me with a desire to promote health and fitness. Did I️ get that right? Well here’s an example of, you never know what’s behind a person’s smile…. I can tell you that 100% of what you SEE is superficial. What you don’t SEE is a man who was very depressed and suicidal, yup, you read it right. Depressed. Suicidal.
Being active in sports and going to the gym had always been the norm for me.
Until THAT day, that day in November, when that norm for me changed, it changed my life.
My father had taken his own life. In some ways, I️ felt he had taken mine too. I️ no longer had the desire to do most of the things that I️ once found enjoyable. Words could not express the pain and the void it left in my life. The smile that everyone knew me to have was gone. The depression had won, I️ no longer wanted to hunt or fish and lost all motivation to function. It messed me up beyond words…. I didn’t work for an entire year!
My memory often brought me to late 2011, I recall saying “I can’t deal with this life without my pop”. I figured I would drive to where my father killed himself and end it all there with him. Why not right?… so I did. I took the drive there… I sat in the car for about 45 mins and I just couldn’t do it … a part of me was still strong. It was like my dad was saying to me, “Slick, you have Liyah and you got stuff to do with your life, take your ass back home” after spending some time in the car dealing with my emotions, crying and then crying some more. I did just that. Went back home.
I️ had to find a way to build on that strength that allowed me to walk away from taking my life. So, to the gym I️ went and discovered a man who was strong enough, strong enough to fight back and walk out of that dark place that once held my life hostage. It was through my faith in God and my love for my own life that allowed me to be ok with Dad being in a different place. THAT was the true strength.
I’ve never looked back on the those dark moments, I️ hold memories only to reflect on what could’ve been, where I️ am now and my life has to offer through fitness and Health. Where I️ once wanted to use my knowledge in Health to take my life, I️ now dedicate it to saving many…..
Fitness saved my life! My goal for starting ABSoulute Fitness is to help save someone else’s life in ALL aspects of life, whether it be mentally or physically.
Anytime I asked my pop for anything he would say “Absolutely, son” so that’s the story and name behind my brand “ABSoulute Fitness” It’s because of my father and how he and fitness saved my life!
All that has happen has led me right here.. right where I’m at! There isn’t ANYTHING … I repeat ANYTHING that you cannot do! Whatever you are going through use that to motivate you. Keep moving forward!! Everyone has a story. My pain, trials and tribulations are not greater than yours. My story is no different, if I can do it, I’m telling you – you can do it as well!
My name is Rob Brown and I am a suicide/depression survivor.